Moving?!

So.. I signed up at Tumblr. yesterday to check out its functions and I kinda like them. At least for now. Since I'm not updating my blogspot as often as I should, maybe I'll give Tumblr. a try and see how it goes. Hopefully, with it being something new, I'll be more interested in blogging. =P

Here's my page if you're interested: =)
http://rachelhsieh.tumblr.com

A Photo & A Video

I saw this photo the other day in a website. I thought it was super funny! Plus it was titled: "Fun Police". Hahaha.. I wonder what had led to this action~




I've seen quite a few movies recently. Inception, The Sorceror's Apprentice, Karate Kid, The Breakup Plan, The Legend is Born - Ip Man, etc. And I guess all were quite good. At least I enjoyed them~ =D

The song played during the credits of Karate Kid was a nice one. I searched for it and found out it was actually sung by Justin Bieber. Of course, featuring Jaden Smith(the star of the movie himself).

Here's a video of it from YouTube with lyrics. Enjoy~ =)

Coincidence or something more?!

Last Sunday, my church announced that it was going to have its own 'broadway production' based on Andrew Lloyd Weber & Tim Rice's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat during the month of December in view of Christmas. The next day(Monday), I was reading a book and "Andrew Lloyd Weber & Tim Rice's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat" appeared in the context of the book.

Today, I read a forwarded email from my friend about Creative Bento(Japanese Lunch) Boxes and I saw one picture under the heading of "I Wanna Rock & Roll All Nite". It was further explained that the bento was made by Susan Yuen who chose to make Gene Simmons of the popular band, KISS.

When I saw this picture, I remembered that I've heard of this band for the first time from a movie last Saturday night(Role Models).

This two incidents got me thinking. If I had not heard of the play in church, the play title in the book would have meant nothing to me. If I had not watched that movie, I wouldn't have understood the picture that I saw. And then I further thought that isn't it weird how things in life can be set in a way that it gradually make us understand particular things and principles. I'm not referring to the two incidents above. I'm talking about the bigger things in life.

Things like this make me believe even more that events and encounters in life have been planned out for us from the beginning after all. If not, how can we explain all that happens to us? I choose to believe that God is really a true God who plans everything out for us and directs our path. To let us face things at the right time, to let us learn things in the right proportions, the let us feel emotions under the correct circumstances, etc. just to prepare us for the future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

Doesn't that about says it all?

New Look

I changed my blog theme yesterday and I just realised today that the button to login on top of the blog isn't there anymore. I guess the person who invented the theme forgot about it?! And I didn't even notice it. Gave me a scare. I had to login through the button on someone else's blog. Luckily I'm not 'banned' from my own blog forever! Lol..

Well, it's been a long while since I last wrote. My last post was in November 2009. There has been many things happening in my life. Some good and some not so good. But all in all, God is still awesome for being with me all through my days. It's true that you have to experience Him to know His goodness. =)

Today I went to get my blood test report. I had my blood checked as the doctor told me that I may have a low heamoglobin count. And I guess she was quite right coz the normal range for females is 11.5~16.0 and mine was 11.5. So I'm on the border line. Anyways, all is normal. Just that I need my Hepatitis A and B antibodies injections. I guess I'll get them after my exam which ends next Monday.

Talking about exams.. The past month has been full of exams. Ok.. Maybe not full, but at least it was spaced out throughout the 4 weeks. I had my Mock Exam from the 24th-26th of May. Then I had my external exam this past Monday(7th) and Tuesday(8th). I was quite confident about my answers. Until I got home and thought about them.. Only then did I realise I made quite a few mistakes. Hopefully those mistakes won't cost me my passing grade~

I also went to take my X-ray report at SMC today. It has been more than 6 months since I hurt my left toes. Praise the Lord that my toes are find. Apart from not being able to bend my 2nd and 3rd toes fully, they don't give me any problem. I guess my worries are gone. The only weird thing is that the report said my toes are fractured. But the doctor who saw me last year said they were only dislocated. So who should I trust? Haha..

Oh ya.. And I forgot to mention that my blood type is B! Finally I know my blood type. It's been years of wondering. What is your blood type? Care to share? =D

Long time no "speak"~

Hey guys.. It has been a while since I had last written, hasn't it? Well, can't say that I was busy and can't say that I wasn't busy the whole while..

I had been busy for the past 3 weeks with my folio. Gosh.. It was a torture to finish them all. 2 folios for Malaysian Studies and another 2 for Pendidikan Moral. The folio is nothing.. Just the title of the folio. So hard.. My Kerja Kursus Individu for Moral was on our opinion of whether human blood becoming a commodity was something morally right. I spent the most time on this. And for Sejarah, we had to criticize and discuss about Manila's claim on Sabah. If the folios were in English, maybe that would have been much easier. But all were in Malay! Gosh.. And some of you may know that my BM isn't that good.. *Sobs* But at last I still managed to finish them by the deadline.. Only to find out that the lecturer then extended the deadline to end of this month. *Faint*

Anyways, it was a good thing that I managed to finish it off. Now I can focus on my preparations for the exam period. My internal exams are starting on the 23rd. I think it is for one week. Not quite sure as the time table hasn't been announced yet. Two weeks after that, my external exams will start. 9th December till 15th December. Phew.. Such a long exam period! Hope I can make it out alive. Haha..

The only thing I'm sad about is not being able to participate in any Christmas activities in my church! Arghh.. There is the choir, but practices are once every week. There is the dance, but practices are three times a week. There is the Christmas Caroling at 1Borneo. I might be joining this..(Might be..) Will just have to see how it goes..

Hopefully I can help out in the media team on Christmas day itself. Have to wait for Mun Yee to give me the confirmation though. If not, I'd be in the crowd yet again this year. Only watching but not being involved. *Sigh*

Can you believe it?

It's the last few days of September already! Can you really believe it? Time really does fly.. But this time, it's not even when you are having fun.

I still remember at the beginning of the month that people kept writing "Wake me up when September ends" on their Facebook status. So, people, you guys can wake up now.. It's really ending. Did you do anything productive? Or were you really just "sleeping" it through?

For myself, as much as I hate to say it, I had been "sleeping" all these weeks. And the guilt is killing me! I did start to study. But the "routine" kind of vanish after just a few days.

Sometimes, I just disappoint myself. I feel so... Lost? Unmotivated? Regretful? When will I ever realise that I need to really work hard to study this course! Is it when I fail one of my papers and everything goes out of order? ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm sad and angry at the same time.. Help! Not just because of my studies.. It's about everything in my life.. It's like my life is not fulfilling.. How come it can all change in just one year? Last year, I had been so happy with my life.. And now...

I really hope this is another phase of life.. I really don't want this feeling in me now to last anymore..

Mid-term~

Well, my mid-term is over! Thank goodness for that.. All those studying was really about to make my head blow!! Who knew studying something like accounting would be so challenging.. SO many things to memorize.. Gosh..

And you know what mid-term means.. It means that I now have half the time to prepare for my year end external exam.. And I got to say, I'm definitely not looking so forward to it. I could just imagine myself panicking over it. And getting sweaty palms while answering the questions.. Or maybe.. My hands would freeze as I heard that the exam hall is super duper cold.. Arghh~

Anyhow, I'll still have to face it in the end.. So, why worry? It'll come and go as it always has.. Just.. Hopefully, I'll get into the study mood soon.. @.@

Terry~

My dear friend, Terry will be leaving for Taiwan tomorrow! Gosh.. Time passes so fast! I still remember it being just last month when we were all thinking that things were still so far away.. Now, the time has arrived and he is getting ready to leave.

This friend of mine was introduced by another good friend, Jessie when I was in Form 2. That time, I didn't know him that well. We just did projects together and discussed about our folios and what not. As time passed, we grew closer and closer in friendship. It's like we could share anything between the two of us. I could always depend on him to lend a listening ear, to cheer me up when I was down or to understand and relate to what I was feeling. We could always discuss about anything and give each other advices. We could also spend hours and hours on the phone just chatting away! Aww... Really gonne miss all of these "routine" of ours.

As the months passed this year and we have left high school, the calls grew lesser, but I still feel that we are as close as always. Thinking of him leaving for his Univeristy life is both bitter and sweet. Sometimes, when you meet a special person in life, it is a little hard to see the person stepping further and further away in your life. It is like, the person has always played a part in your life and now, that part would be smaller than it used to be.

But.. Enough said, I still want to wish him all the very best! It is his dream of going to Taiwan. It is his dream to become a doctor in the future. With that, I wish you smooth sailing with all that is to come. Big waves may come crashing, but take up courage and face them. You will still have your friends right there beside you. I'm sure we will still keep in touch and I will be looking forward to seeing you when you get back to KK again next year.

God bless Terry and take care! Make the best of things there and do not be afraid of what is to come. All those reasons that made you choose Taiwan will be the reasons that will make you happy there! Love ya, Terry! =)

每一个女孩的身边都有 一个不是男朋友的男朋友..

每一个 女孩的身边都有一个不是男朋友的男朋友...
但是，为了什么原因你们没能在一起？
也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。
也许为了顾及家人的意见 ，你们没有在一起。
也许为了出国深造，他没有要你等他。
也许你们相遇太早，
还不懂得珍惜对方。
也许你们相遇太晚，
你们身边已经有了另一个人。
也许你回头太迟，
对方已不再等待
也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，
而 迟迟无法跨出界线。
不过即使你们没在一起，
你们还是保持了朋友的关系。
但是你们心底清楚，
对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。
即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，
你 们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。
他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，
心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。
他遇到困难时，
你会尽你所能的帮他，
不会计较谁又欠了谁。
男女朋友吃醋了，
你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，
但 你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。
每个人这辈子，
心 中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，
很 矛盾的行为。
一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，
但 久了，突然发现这样最好。
你宁愿这样关心他，
总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。
你宁愿做他的朋友，
彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。
特别是这样，
你还是知道，
他永远会关心你的。
做不成男女朋友，
当他那个特别的朋友，
有什么不好呢？
你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？
很多的感情，
都因为一厢情愿，
最后连朋友都 当不成了
常常觉得惋惜，
可惜一些本来 很好的友情
最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，
如果你没有反 应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，
这也难怪有些 人会因此不肯踏出这一步。
因为这就像是一场赌注，
表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，
要不就连朋友都当不成 了。
有些事 不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，
你们还 可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好.
希望你们能珍惜身边的人，
可能在这一刻你们不觉得他/她是你生命中最重要的人...
一旦他/她已离你身边而去时，才发觉...
一切都太迟了....

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support person. Lol~

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman






DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thought you loved me. html and try to
download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that willdownload the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0

(it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Tech Support

Something from my mailbox~

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.


To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.


To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...


To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'


To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.


To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.


To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.


To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.


To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.



To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....



TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/woman whose love is honest, strong, mature, uplifting, protective, encouraging and unselfish.

Study study study!

Hmm.. Was supposed to study after dinner. But still haven't started until now~ Lazy.. Procrastinating! Gosh.. That's all I do nowadays.. Very bad ain't it? My old studious-self is gone.. Don't know where she went already.. Can't seem to find her.. Help me to look? Lol..

Can't believe that it would be one month tomorrow since I started my ACCA Skills Level. So so so fast! It feels like I'm still in my holiday mood.. Haven't gotten the "kick" back in learning and studying.. Hope I get back in the mood soon though. Coz I need to work hard to pass the three papers in December..

This semester I have 14 classmates studying with me.. I know more than half of them. But there are still a handful of them that I've not spoken to. Hopefully, I can get the chance somehow. And the funny thing is I don't even know the names of some of them. Funny right? Classmates for a month already but I still don't even know their names. Haha..

I have 2 lecturers this semester. One is the same as the last semester while the other is a new lecturer for me. The new lecturer is good. I like that he has his own audit firm and so, he has a lot of experience. He would always tell us about his personal experience and this would help us understand the topics more.

Oh ya.. And he's funny too. You know what? We all realised after a few lessons what his favourite word is! Guess guess guess! Haha.. It's "Alamak"~ He always says that word as we all are very slow in grasping what he's teaching. So we always laugh when we hear that word. He says it around five times or more each day. So hilarious~ And the way he says it is super funny too.. Oh ya.. And another favourite sentence of his(if it can be counted as a sentence) is "Die lo.." I know, sounds negative but it's funny to hear him say it though.. And the laughter loosens up the tension in class~

Tomorrow I'll be facing him for four hours. Gotta start preparing for his class then. Gotta read up and be prepared for his list of questions~ Wish me luck! =)

Baking!!!

So... Recently, I keep having the urge to bake.. Been at it for almost a month now.. Don't know why, but I just feel like making something all the time. I even started baking at 10p.m. last week coz the thought of baking kept creeping into my head and I couldn't concentrate on other things. Lol.. Does that sound scary? And and and... One day, my mom even asked me if I was ok and whether there was something wrong with me.. Haha.. I just laughed and said I was fine~ =)

I've made a few things.. Some turned out quite well and some needed more practice.. I've done marble cake, cream puffs, "snowballs", pudding, etc. Gonna make chocolate chip cookies tomorrow as my friend wanted to eat them. So I can't wait for tomorrow! More baking! Whee~~~

(I Love You) More~

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

(Chorus)
Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

I can only imagine~

I Can Only Imagine lyrics

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine




This song always bring tears to my eyes and makes me look forward to the day when I get to stand before my Lord God.. "I can only imagine; When all I will do; Is forever; Forever worship You"!

Frustrated

=(

Don't like this feeling.. Not now, not ever.. Haiz.. One of the reasons is that I've been doing ONE Accounting question the whole night.. Really gonna go mad just thinking about it! I don't know what I'm supposed to do with the information given.. Hmph! Maybe I'm just too clueless in Accounting.. Wish there's a way for me to learn from the basics.. *sob*

"Food" for thought~

I'M A CHRISTIAN By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

Father's Day~

I think this year's Father's Day was the most "eventful" one for me.. Well, at least we did a lot of things to prepare for the day. Usually, we would go out for dinner to celebrate. If not, then it would be take away. But this year, we made everything.. =)

My mom, my sis and I worked together to prepare all the food stuff.. Saturday night, we baked the Chocolate Walnut Buttercake with Chocolate Whip Cream~ Yummy! We started baking around 7:30p.m. and we only managed to finish everything(including washing up) at 12:15a.m. So long right? Coz we had to mix the things in the mixer for quite a long time if I were to say.. After that, the cake took 1 hour and 15 minutes to bake, another 1 hour and 15 minutes to cool, and then to make the whip cream and "decorate" the cake took us around half and hour.. Who would know that it would take such a long time to bake and present a cake.. Haha.. But anyways, we made it and we slept around 2a.m.

I had to wake up around 7a.m. today as my family were going to have breakfast with my grandauntie who had came back from Australia.. Breakfast was ok.. We ate at The Emperor.. The service was bad.. We had to "self-service" and we also kept asking for desert but still no one came to take our order.. =.=" So, in the end, we payed and and my mom, sis and I went to church straight after..

My dad made Tong Sui all of a sudden. When we came home from church, he said to me: "I made the yam and sweet potato tong sui. Don't know how to make la.. Just simply boil only.." But it turned out nice. Like those selling in the stalls. Although it is not my favourite, but I drank a boil.. Yummy~ We even ate the cake that we baked. Can see that today was full of carbs.. Lol.. Getting fat already~ @.@

Around 5p.m., just as we were going to prepare dinner, we realised that the appliances in the kitchen wasn't working.. My dad said that the current must have tripped and we had to wait till the next day to call the maintainance guy to come fix it.. But luckily, we could extend the plug to the sockets in the dining area and we managed to use the oven and to plug in the fridge. Praise God.. So, we made everything according to plan: Tiger Prawns with Mozerella Cheese, Buttered Rice with Raisins and Onions plus Garlic Bread.. Yum yum!

Well, I guess we really need to give all glory to God as He really helped us in many things.. He had made sure the mixer functioned well(the last time we used it, there was smoke!), He managed to make the cake turn out well, He made sure that dinner was still able to be prepared, He made sure that we would not need to worry about anything as He will be in everything! My God is really awesome! =)

Oh ya.. I even made a card for my dad.. Wanna see? Haha.. Actually, it is a cross stitch that I did and pasted it on papers..

What to Feel?

Recently, I am always in a grumpy mood. I constantly mope around and feel sad.. What's wrong with me??? *sigh* Even when I laugh, I sometimes feel that it is forced or not really what I feel. Sometimes I just laugh all crazily, hoping that maybe by laughing, I might feel better or even happier~ But I'm not even sure if it's working!

One of my close friends is facing a really major situation now. She might be losing someone very important in her life! It is really a very sad thing to hear.. Especially when we're that close. I think this is a part of the reason why I'm feeling sad. I feel so helpless in helping her. I know, there's nothing much that I can do to help. But at least I should be there comforting her and helping her feel better. The problem is.. I don't know how!! Every time I wanted to sms her, I would start typing but then in the end, I'd erase it all. You know why? Coz I feel that what I write would not help her at all. I feel that whatever I say, she will always think that I don't know what I'm talking about coz I'm not the one facing the situation. I feel that I don't even know what she's facing anymore or even how she feels.. It's just been so long since we last had a real good chat..

And those who know me know that I'm always affected by other people's problem. If they are sad, I'd be too. If they cry and they feel hurt, I would too.. If they are disappointed, somehow I would too.. Sounds ridiculous? But that's me.. And now, it's the same thing happening. I often cry myself to sleep. I often have sleepless nights. I try tiring myself by keeping busy so that I can fill up my mind with other things. Because all I'm thinking about is how to help her. How come all this can happen to her. How come she needs to face this now. How come How come How come! But all I get is darker circles around my eyes and no answers..

I know that this is not my problem and I shouldn't feel too bad about it. That I shouldn't let it affect me too much. But then, I still do. Coz I feel that if someone else can't be happy, then I can't too.. This is a really wrong "attitude" to have. But I don't know how to change it. It is as though "programmed" in me to be like this!

I really wish that things would be better. That her loved one would be healed. So that she can be happy, her family members can be happy and in the end, I'd be happy too. But this all seems impossible. Seeing from her blog, I know that things are getting worse. I know that the chances of being healed is slim. I know all that and now I'm even more sad..

Lord, will You help all of us in this situation? Will You place Your loving hands on this? I know that people live and die. I know that we don't control the time that a person leaves this earth. But I do hope, that for all the time that is left, all the happiness that is possible will be felt. That even if it really is the time to go, things will not be so hard for my friend and her family members. I pray that the whole family may be strong, that they will be able to hold on and not give up any hope! For I believe that miracles can happen, even to those who are not yet your followers. I know that you love them too.. So Lord, please pour out your comfort and grace in this hard time, that we may not lose hope.

Weird feelings~

I came home two hours ago.. Went out with Sali, Sali's brother, CCY and her sister.. They dropped by my house to give me my photo album and then we went out to the beach and after that, to Damai to play snooker.. Not that I knew how to play.. But at least, I tried.. Haha.. And I guess I had a great time.. Seeing that I spent the whole weekend at home.. Not even stepping out of my front door.. @.@

But just now, Sali said that she might be going to KL to study next year.. And that was quite a blow.. Hmm.. Actually, maybe it wasn't. I kinda knew that she would say that one day.. And actually, before I went out tonight, I had that exact thought, that she would say she is going to KL to study.. I'm happy for her.. Coz she has always been saying that she wants to study the course that she likes but her parents wouldn't allow her. Now seeing that she finally has the chance, I'm absolutely thrilled. I am.. Just that.. Well, she was the only person in my close group of friends that was supposed to stay here in KK. And if she really does go, where would that leave me?

I know.. Friends come and go.. But it is really a sad thought, no? Terry would be leaving in September or even earlier, in August.. And then, the next would be Sali, if she really does decide to go.. All my friends would really be scattered then.. And who knows what that would do to our tight-knit relationship.. First Caroline, then Jessie and Joyce, then Amie and Shu Ling, then Terry, then Sali.. Aiks..

I always thought that I would be the one who goes away to study too. That I would be able to send in my result slips and then be offered offer letters. That I would get to stay some place new and try to live by my own. That I would cry over the fact that I miss my family and friends. That I would look so forward to going home during the holidays.. But life is really unpredictable, isn't it? What you always think isn't what always happens.. It isn't what always turns out..

Actually, I don't feel angry or regretful that my life wasn't what I thought it would be like. I am actually very grateful that I get to stay close with my family members. I feel that we have been growing closer together as time passes and I'm always very happy being with them. I am very happy that I can meet new friends in my college and that I would be meeting even more new ones in the coming semester.. I'm glad that I can stay on in my church. It is an awesome place to worship..

I am happy with what I have. But sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like if I did get what I wanted when I got into College/Uni.. It isn't wrong to wonder, is it? Maybe I would have more things to be busy about, maybe I would join clubs, or maybe I would be working part time.. Whole loads of "Maybe's" and makes me think whether I would feel more self-accomplished.

This is a whole lot of "crap".. One part I'm happy, then I'm sad, then I'm grateful and then I'm guessing what life would be like if it was different.. Really just whole loads of feelings just sweeping over me. And maybe.. I just need to sleep it off. Hopefully, it will not bother me when I've woken up later in the morning..