Weird feelings~

I came home two hours ago.. Went out with Sali, Sali's brother, CCY and her sister.. They dropped by my house to give me my photo album and then we went out to the beach and after that, to Damai to play snooker.. Not that I knew how to play.. But at least, I tried.. Haha.. And I guess I had a great time.. Seeing that I spent the whole weekend at home.. Not even stepping out of my front door.. @.@

But just now, Sali said that she might be going to KL to study next year.. And that was quite a blow.. Hmm.. Actually, maybe it wasn't. I kinda knew that she would say that one day.. And actually, before I went out tonight, I had that exact thought, that she would say she is going to KL to study.. I'm happy for her.. Coz she has always been saying that she wants to study the course that she likes but her parents wouldn't allow her. Now seeing that she finally has the chance, I'm absolutely thrilled. I am.. Just that.. Well, she was the only person in my close group of friends that was supposed to stay here in KK. And if she really does go, where would that leave me?

I know.. Friends come and go.. But it is really a sad thought, no? Terry would be leaving in September or even earlier, in August.. And then, the next would be Sali, if she really does decide to go.. All my friends would really be scattered then.. And who knows what that would do to our tight-knit relationship.. First Caroline, then Jessie and Joyce, then Amie and Shu Ling, then Terry, then Sali.. Aiks..

I always thought that I would be the one who goes away to study too. That I would be able to send in my result slips and then be offered offer letters. That I would get to stay some place new and try to live by my own. That I would cry over the fact that I miss my family and friends. That I would look so forward to going home during the holidays.. But life is really unpredictable, isn't it? What you always think isn't what always happens.. It isn't what always turns out..

Actually, I don't feel angry or regretful that my life wasn't what I thought it would be like. I am actually very grateful that I get to stay close with my family members. I feel that we have been growing closer together as time passes and I'm always very happy being with them. I am very happy that I can meet new friends in my college and that I would be meeting even more new ones in the coming semester.. I'm glad that I can stay on in my church. It is an awesome place to worship..

I am happy with what I have. But sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like if I did get what I wanted when I got into College/Uni.. It isn't wrong to wonder, is it? Maybe I would have more things to be busy about, maybe I would join clubs, or maybe I would be working part time.. Whole loads of "Maybe's" and makes me think whether I would feel more self-accomplished.

This is a whole lot of "crap".. One part I'm happy, then I'm sad, then I'm grateful and then I'm guessing what life would be like if it was different.. Really just whole loads of feelings just sweeping over me. And maybe.. I just need to sleep it off. Hopefully, it will not bother me when I've woken up later in the morning..