What to Feel?

Recently, I am always in a grumpy mood. I constantly mope around and feel sad.. What's wrong with me??? *sigh* Even when I laugh, I sometimes feel that it is forced or not really what I feel. Sometimes I just laugh all crazily, hoping that maybe by laughing, I might feel better or even happier~ But I'm not even sure if it's working!

One of my close friends is facing a really major situation now. She might be losing someone very important in her life! It is really a very sad thing to hear.. Especially when we're that close. I think this is a part of the reason why I'm feeling sad. I feel so helpless in helping her. I know, there's nothing much that I can do to help. But at least I should be there comforting her and helping her feel better. The problem is.. I don't know how!! Every time I wanted to sms her, I would start typing but then in the end, I'd erase it all. You know why? Coz I feel that what I write would not help her at all. I feel that whatever I say, she will always think that I don't know what I'm talking about coz I'm not the one facing the situation. I feel that I don't even know what she's facing anymore or even how she feels.. It's just been so long since we last had a real good chat..

And those who know me know that I'm always affected by other people's problem. If they are sad, I'd be too. If they cry and they feel hurt, I would too.. If they are disappointed, somehow I would too.. Sounds ridiculous? But that's me.. And now, it's the same thing happening. I often cry myself to sleep. I often have sleepless nights. I try tiring myself by keeping busy so that I can fill up my mind with other things. Because all I'm thinking about is how to help her. How come all this can happen to her. How come she needs to face this now. How come How come How come! But all I get is darker circles around my eyes and no answers..

I know that this is not my problem and I shouldn't feel too bad about it. That I shouldn't let it affect me too much. But then, I still do. Coz I feel that if someone else can't be happy, then I can't too.. This is a really wrong "attitude" to have. But I don't know how to change it. It is as though "programmed" in me to be like this!

I really wish that things would be better. That her loved one would be healed. So that she can be happy, her family members can be happy and in the end, I'd be happy too. But this all seems impossible. Seeing from her blog, I know that things are getting worse. I know that the chances of being healed is slim. I know all that and now I'm even more sad..

Lord, will You help all of us in this situation? Will You place Your loving hands on this? I know that people live and die. I know that we don't control the time that a person leaves this earth. But I do hope, that for all the time that is left, all the happiness that is possible will be felt. That even if it really is the time to go, things will not be so hard for my friend and her family members. I pray that the whole family may be strong, that they will be able to hold on and not give up any hope! For I believe that miracles can happen, even to those who are not yet your followers. I know that you love them too.. So Lord, please pour out your comfort and grace in this hard time, that we may not lose hope.